Warning: This post is exceptionally frank. I take no responsibility if you’re offended. After all, you’re the one reading it.
A girlfriend of mine Facebook messaged me the other day, frantic.
“Kei, I need to ask you something, and it’s really gross.”
“Okay, go for it. I’m a master of gross things.”
“I was in the shower, and…something that looked like a booger came out of my crotch. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT.”
“Hahaha you’re fine, that’s definitely vagina snot. It’s totally normal, I promise. It keeps hold of the sperm post-coitus to make pregnancy far more likely.”
“That is fucking disgusting, holy god ugh. It looks like a BOOGER.”
Naturally, everybody’s reaction to the vagina snot is something along the lines of “omg wtf gross.” Body fluid has always been a sort of sticky situation. But of course, you know your body, you know what you’ve been putting into it and exposing it to, so pee, sweat, saliva, everything should not come as a surprise to you. And most times, everybody is pretty alright with their own body and its processes.
Except, I’ve found, lots and lots of ladies.
Yes, discharge gets in the crevices of our bits, is an inconvenience on our panties, and if gone unwashed, leaves an awkward stain that makes us throw that pair into the “no-good-for-stripping” pile. I get that. But my girlfriend’s reaction to something that I thought most chicks knew about reminded me that not everyone had an open question-and-answer policy with their mother like I did. Everything I ever learned about my body, babies, birth, and basic reproductive organs came from my mom, probably from age 6 to now. She had the birth book. I asked embarrassing questions. But she answered and thanks to her, I knew more about reproduction than half my health class. But I also took initiative and did my own reading on things I didn’t want to ask my mom about quite yet. What the heck is up with this discharge? Do I have a yeast infection? I am not going to ask my mom to smell anything. Time for the internet!
I give a ton of credit to my mom for helping me make my own way to knowledge. Thanks, mom! :D
But my three-year-old self will never thank you for that Halloween outfit!
Even though I know now about my body and the funky things it does to let me know what’s going on, a lot of my peer ladies probably don’t. Because if they didn’t have a relationship like my mom and I, they sure as hell didn’t learn it in school either. I think the furthest that they talk about “discharge” in school is just that: discharge. White fluid that might end up in your panties, wear a pantyliner! They never talked about what kinds of discharge there is, when in your cycle they happen, nothing. So when my girlfriend saw this vagina snot, she didn’t know that it was totally normal and she was probably definitely ovulating.
Women know almost nothing about themselves.
Open up, sweetheart, we're soul searching today!
For whatever reason, health class really neglects the women’s spectrum of anatomy. Yeah, they talk about uteri, fallopian tubes, the vague discharge. There were no diagrams, however, of the vulva. No labia, urethra, vaginal entrance, clitoris. Nothing! It’s great that we learned the fundamentals of our bodies under the surface, but what about the parts that we come into contact with every day? Definitions ran dry in textbooks. But what exactly ARE these things? I could get a picture of a guy’s junk made g-rated for the sole purpose of learning, but no such thing for women. We are pushed out of the way. They didn’t even talk about female orgasms in health class! How many chicks do I know who don’t know that they can have an orgasm? Did you know that you can? Yes, you can!
For whatever reason, people are uncomfortable with talking about the finer points of the cunt (yep, I said it, but don’t be turned off! You’ll see why further down). Some feminists will explain that it’s because the majority of powerful white males are afraid of it because they themselves don’t understand it, and like any good man who is afraid of something he doesn’t get, he either demonizes it, or ignores it. This might be true. I can definitely get behind not wanting to confront something you don’t understand. But the problem is that it’s not just “powerful white guys.”
It’s everybody.
Young ladies today may only learn about their cunts from Health Class or porn, which strikes me as “not the best place to start”, because porn is largely shunned in society – it”s like a secret that everybody knows about but doesn’t talk about. Not to mention, while I am pro-sex, I recognize that a lot of porn is not exactly pro-woman, or pro-man especially the stuff that is so readily available on the internet today. Porn comes in all shapes and sizes, but the differences are highlighted as a sort of “acquired taste,” (i.e. HAIRY, BIG LIPS, TINY, etc) which drives home the lack of normalcy. If my vagina looks like this instead of this, people will pay unnecessary attention to it. I talk about this because I’m a victim of experience – for a long time, I was not comfortable with the way my ladyparts looked because I could rarely find mainstream sex evidence that had ladies with my kind of bits.
Additionally, nobody talks about masturbation (because, surprise surprise, it makes some people uncomfortable), which begs the question: if nobody talks about it, then it must be bad, right? Honestly, when you just discovered that when you touch yourself a certain way and it made you feel good, did you ask your parents about it? Or did you keep it to yourself until one of your friends confessed to it too? Or when you saw it in your first pornography film or dirty mag, did it perpetuate the idea that it was a dirty, inappropriate thing to do?
If it’s not understood, then it’s demonized or ignored.
I will always talk about and constantly uptalk the book Cunt: a declaration of independence by Inga Muscio, a delicious and striking documentation about the word, and how having one in today’s society has caused us so much grief, and the importance of loving our cunts. And, it has lots of advice about sex (and a helpfully-graphic description on identifying different discharges), your domain, and how not to take shit from anybody. It’s a very moving book and has brought me to tears as much as I have laughed and raged while reading. It’s a condensed guide to getting to know yourself, and why aren’t you buying a copy right now? If you cringed at my mentioning the word earlier, then you should definitely pick up a copy immediately. If you didn’t, then you probably already own one or two.
So here’s my challenge to you. Get together with some open minded girlfriends, or do it by yourself. But get a hand mirror, sit down on a pillow and do it 1960’s housewife style – get to know your downstairs. You could even buy your own speculum and get a really good inside look. Don’t be afraid of what you have, and don’t be afraid to ask questions about it. Just remember to wash your hands and keep your fingernails trimmed! Common sense, ladies.
Further reading? You got it!
Sex-Positive Feminism (yeah, it’s Wikipedia, but provides more links!)
20 Things Every Woman Should Know About Her Vagina (just in case you don’t know already – you don’t pee out of your vagina.)
The Ethical Slut (a great book that encourages sex, whether you want it with one person or a couple and how to break free from the anti-sex attitude)
Best Hysteria 
I’ve always hated the word “cunt”, but this piece is wonderfully written. I hope all those who just don’t know-or worse yet, don’t ask, read you blog to get some basic understanding.
Way to go Kei!
You are PRICELESS my sweet. Thank you for recognizing what I did for you. I knew no on else would tell you everything. I wanted you to be fully educated before going into that world of adolescence and adulthood. And you write so well, makes me chuckle……
Ladies and gents: My family. Are they awesome or what?